


read me your life

by saradathesalad



Series: salad's prompted works [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Can be Gen or ship, Canonical Character Death, Multi, i guess? I tried, no beta we die like yoda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:48:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29701506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saradathesalad/pseuds/saradathesalad
Summary: For day 24 of Star Wars Soulmate Month: everyone has a book that slowly writes itself until you meet your soulmate.__Anakin has never been a fan of the whole soulmate-book thing. Some people found it romantic to be able to read all about their soulmate’s life before they’d met, but for Anakin it just showcased the worst years of his life; the years he spent as a slave.As a child he’d wanted to burn his book, so his soulmate would never have to know that he’d once been a slave (he’d known down to his bones that he’d be free by the time he met his soulmate), but his mother had talked him out of it, telling him he’d never be able to find his soulmate without his book.Anakin still thought about it.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala & Anakin Skywalker
Series: salad's prompted works [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2101170
Comments: 8
Kudos: 110
Collections: Star Wars Soulmate Month 2021





	read me your life

**Author's Note:**

> HHHH this was meant to be out yesterday but my laptop died and my charger was at my parents house rip. Anyway enjoy this. I wrote this while watching Mission Impossible 4 for the sixth time in 2 days someone please save me I've watched that movie 13 times in the last week

Anakin has never been a fan of the whole soulmate-book thing. Some people found it romantic to be able to read all about their soulmate’s life before they’d met, but for Anakin it just showcased the worst years of his life; the years he spent as a slave. 

As a child he’d wanted to burn his book, so his soulmate would never have to know that he’d once been a slave (he’d known down to his bones that he’d be free by the time he met his soulmate), but his mother had talked him out of it, telling him he’d never be able to find his soulmate without his book.

Anakin still thought about it. 

He never read his book, not because he believed that only his soulmate should ever lay eyes on it like some did, but because every time he tried he felt the hot flush of shame and anger. Even the joy a soulmate was meant to bring was tainted by slavery, the one thing that he thought might be able to help him get through until he was free. 

He hated Watto, and Tatooine, and the whole stupid universe that let him and his mother be slaves.

And then came Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, who freed him and promised him training as a Jedi. Even at nine, Anakin had had some reservations, but the thought of being free, being able to travel the stars instead of being stuck on Tattooine won him over in seconds.

So he wins the Boonta Eve Classic and he gets freed, something he hadn’t known about until it was happening, Qui-Gon’s promise of him becoming a powerful Jedi seems in his grasp. 

But he has to leave his mother behind. It’s the hardest thing he ever does, even later after he’s gone on several missions, even after he fights in a war, even after he has to kill the old man he’d thought was his friend but wasn’t, leaving his mother and not looking back remains the most difficult.

He almost left his book behind then, with his mother. Almost. Even if she couldn’t see the writing on the pages, it was still something to remember him by. But she’d refused, and Anakin had been strangely relieved.

He’s glad he didn’t when later, after the Jedi told him they wouldn’t allow him to be trained, after he blew up a spaceship, after Qui-Gon’s funeral, after being assigned as Obi-Wan Kenobi’s padawn, he checks his book, to read about the past few days, to remind himself that they were real and that he’s really free. 

And he finds blank pages from the moment he climbed aboard the Naboo cruiser that first time. He’d met his soulmate. He’d met his soulmate and he hadn’t noticed. All those stories about sparks flying and knowing instantly were wrong. Anakin should’ve known. Nothing good is that easy.

His first thought is that it’s Padme, the beautiful angel, the Queen of the Naboo, Anakin’s first friend off Tatooine. But the timeline doesn’t add up. He’d met Padme days before his book stopped writing, but maybe that’s how it works? The only person he’d ever been able to talk about it with was his mother, who’d never met her soulmate and would never know unless they showed her their book.

Hers had been burnt when she’d fallen pregnant with Anakin.

  
Over the years he convinces himself that it’s Padme. He slowly chips away at all his doubts, refusing to back down. It’s Padme, it has to be. Who else had been kind and gracious to him, who else had made him feel like the most important person in the room whenever they spoke to him? No one. It had to be Padme. If it wasn’t Padme then who could it be? He didn’t want it to be anyone else. 

He trains, he gets better, he fights with Obi-Wan and gets scolded by the council more often than not. But Obi-Wan is always there after, to apologize, to be apologized to, to hug and to take him to Dex’s. To reassure him that he’s wanted. 

Anakin is sure he got lucky with his master. His fellow padawans always complain about theirs, and while Anakin and Obi-Wan clash over many things, they work well together and get along very well when neither of them are being stubborn. He’s glad, most days, that he landed with Obi-Wan instead of Qui-Gon. He gets the feeling that the other man had far too many expectations for him he’d never be abe to live up to.

Anakin never speaks about his soulmate to Obi-Wan, for all that he trusts his Master, he’s far too embarrassed to say anything to him about it. He doesn’t want to feel stupid anymore, and after his peers reactions to his inability to read, Anakin is hesitant to admit any gaps in knowledge to anyone at the Jedi temple. 

So he keeps quiet about his questions and silent suspicions. He doesn’t want to be made a fool again. He waits in excitement for the day that he’ll be able to see Padme again and find out whether his decade-long suspicions are true. 

And then he meets her again. He and Obi-Wan are there to guard her from assassins, and as he’s terrified as that time he’d accidentally kicked Master Yoda across the hall and into Master Windu’s face. 

He’d had a rough time during his growth spurts and hadn’t been able to control any of his limbs, okay? He’s sure half the reason Master Windu hates him is because of that day. Anakin maintains that he should’ve dodged. What is the Force for, if not for sensing when a young teen with no control over their newly elongated limbs punts your weird-speaking toad boss at your head?

No, Anakin is not victim blaming. 

In any case, he feels like throwing up, passing out and running away all at the same time. He’s about to meet his soulmate for the first time in ten years. 

He sees Padme, and those feelings fall away. So does the feelings of passion and love he’s been associating with her for the past decade. Instead he just feels nostalgia for those fleeting days of almost-perfection when he’d first met Padme.

Something inside him tells him that Padme isn’t his soulmate. 

He’s right, he finds out later. When they’re hiding on Naboo Padme confides that she’d thought he was her soulmate for the longest time, but had found out it was actually one of her newer handmaidens she’d met around the same time as she’d met Anakin. 

Anakin tells her that he’d also thought she was his soulmate, up until they’d met again, but he doesn’t think so anymore. 

They try to read each others books, but they can’t. They laugh at their childish foolishness and spend a few days fooling around and revelling in their lack of responsibilities. Anakin gets to meet Lorde, Padme’s soulmate and he revells in the way they fit together. Even if Padme wasn’t his soulmate he’s still glad she gets this. 

And then Anakin dreams of his mother again and they leave for Tatooine. Anakin meets his step-father and mother’s soulmate and he rescues his mother. He barely stops himself from slaughtering the whole village, but his mother needs him more. And Obi-Wan would be disappointed in him.

His mother almost dies twice in one night, but Padme’s Naboo cruiser has very good medical supplies. Anakin gets to speak with his mother again, gets to hear all about how her life has gone and how happy she is with Cliegg. When Obi-Wan’s message comes through she encourages him to go help him. 

So Anakin leaves his mother with a promise to visit when he can and he and Padme set off for Geonosis. They get captured, they escape, they get rescued, they chase down Count Dooku and Padme falls out of a ship and Anakin loses his arm. 

The Clone Wars begin. 

Padme gets married to her soulmate and Anakin is there at the small ceremony, hosted at the same place where they’d spent their last war-free days. Padme tells him she wants to keep it quiet, because Padme has a target on her back and has no interest in endangering Lorde

When he gets back to Coruscant Obi-Wan gives him a strangely sad look, but Anakin chalks it up to the loss of his hand. 

The war rages on and Anakin gets knighted, far too soon in his opinion. Despite his chafing against Obi-Wan’s occasionally tight leash, he’s well aware that he still has a lot more to learn. Nonetheless, its still near the beginning of the war and they still get their seven days together after the ceremony, a luxury not afforded to newly-knighted jedi later on. 

The war rages on and Anakin sees Obi-Wan a surprisingly large amount. They become the Team, the face of the war. They’re sent on large scale public missions together more often than not, and Anakin is glad for it. 

The war rages on and Anakin gets a padawan of his own, Ahsoka Tano, though she’s as much Obi-Wan’s padawan as she is his. She’s far to young to be in war, but tragedy doesn’t care about age. It only seeks to inflict itself on whoever is most vulnerable. Anakin teaches her to be a Jedi, but he also teaches her how to deal with her emotions healthily. He wants her to be better than him, he wants her to suffer as little as possible. Obi-Wan shares this desire and helps in whatever way he can.

The war rages on and Satine dies, Obi-Wan’s soulmate dies and Anakin figures that if there’s any time to break their mutual silence on soulmates it would be now. 

“I’m sorry. Losing your soulmate must be hard,” Anakin says, doing his best at trying to comfort his ex-master. He’d never had to comfort Obi-Wan before, if he’d ever got upset he’d always go and meditate. But not this time. 

His comfort doesn’t seem to be very good because it brings a grimace of pain to Obi-Wan’s face and Anakin wishes he could travel back in time a minute to prevent that expression from crossing Obi-Wan’s face. 

“She wasn’t,” Obi-Wan starts, “My soulmate. I was hers but. She was never mine.”

Anakin doesn’t think that makes losing her any easier for Obi-Wan. He wants to comfort him, but instead his stupid curiousity that he’s been suppressing for years comes to the surface. 

“Do you know who is?” he asks and immediately wishes he could just erase this entire conversation. 

Obi-Wan has a lot of issues that he’s repressed over the years. His feelings of inadequacy and fear of abandonment are well hidden to everyone except Anakin. Anakin knows how to recognise that in someone else, he knows those feelings well enough. 

Which is why he notices Obi-Wan withdrawing into those feelings at Anakin’s question. 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan whispers, “I’ve met them.”

Obi-Wan doesn’t say anything else immediately, but Anakin can tell he’s got more to say, so he waits in shocked silence.

“It’s,” Obi-Wan says, faltering. “It’s you, Anakin.”

Anakin blinks once, everything quickly falling into place, and feels like a complete idiot. Of course it’s Obi-Wan. He met Obi-Wan right when his book stops. 

How had it never occurred to him?

And based on Obi-Wan’s sad but hopeful expression, his years of being an oblivious idiot have hurt his master. 

“Oh,” Anakin manages to get out. 

Obi-Wan deflates at that singles syllable, clearly misreading Anakin’s reaction. Before Anakin has time to fix his mistake, Obi-Wan opens his mouth to say, “I know your soulmate is Padme, but, well. If there’s any time to tell you it’s now. I finally understand how Satine feels. Felt.” 

And if Anakin doesn’t feel like absolute garbage. Obi-Wan is already having a horrible day and Anakin has gone and forced him to bare his soul and 

“It’s not Padme, it’s you,” Anakin says. Obi-Wan’s eyes widen. “I thought it was Padme for a long, long time. But. It’s not. Hers is one of her handmaidens. And mine is you.”

Obi-Wan still hasn’t moved, and Anakin decides to continue. “I didn’t realize until now, but I’ve been an idiot. My book finished writing right before I first met you. It never occurred to me until now-”

Obi-Wan hugs him. It’s been years since Obi-Wan has hugged him, but Anakin’s instincts cause him to bring his arms around him almost immediately. Obi-Wan squeezes him tightly to his chest and Anakin knows immediately that they’ll be fine. They’ll figure this out together.

They’ve always been the perfect team.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr at [saradathesalad](https://saradathesalad.tumblr.com) if you wanna drop me a prompt or just wanna chat!


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